mich

I don't like to blog actually, nor write anything either on a paper or a blog.. but I would like to start my blog with abit about myself in conjunction with the World Social Media Day, which falls on today.

As you know, I am currently working right now at HP Global Center, Cyberjaya. The word 'Global' itself represents that we are currently supporting people globally, and I assume that the environment will be vibrant and dynamic with people from around the world working together in an energetic campus but NO. All my expectations fumble in small pieces of hope (people working inside knows why).

I am surrounded by people not within my age range, in which their mentality and environment are based on their status as a committed working adult. I am actually stuck in a capsule where the people inside are not effectively communicate with each other, not socializing properly and mostly working as a lone ranger, not as a team. There's a huge gap and barrier between people here that keeps away mutual communication/full duplex communication. I am proud to announce that the perfect example would be my current team, the Ericsson R&D Service Desk.

So, because of that, I've become adapted with the environment. I have no proper friends who can I properly channel my frustration, anger nor concern. I normally navigate around alone. Every time I look behind, front, or on the left (I can't look on the right because its a wall), I see people focusing their eyeballs into the monitor aimlessly pretending to do work. I expected a smile, or a simple greeting, but it won't happen at this environment.

I had a chat with my teamlead yesterday, and he pointed a crucial side of me I always overlooked. Every time I communicate, or simply at work, I had the 'poker face' expression each and every time (poker face is a face without any interpretable expression), he had a difficulty to understand me. Yes, I admit that. Everytime I went out communicating with people, I always start with a poker face nowadays (or in popular language, IDGAF). This is one of the psychological example of the change I've endured here because of the environment. To be honest, I am not like this back then. I smile alot back then!

Seriously, I am not happy with the path I'm taking right now.

Also, to note that in all of my seriousness of dealing with things, I virtually do not have a bad temper. I rarely let loose my emotions into an extent of angrily yelling at people .Many of my friends would agree to this. I rarely raise my voice at people. I have a low voice. I also have a tendency of respecting pressure off people, as I do not put pressure on people and I do expect people to not pressure me.

I feel like living alone in this world.

I told countless number of my friends before - "People change". But here I am, with the byproduct of the environmental change. I am frustrated and not happy at the moment.